Article Share: Defying ADHD stigma

This was a Facebook post I had written awhile ago.  I’ve attempted to make it more blog appropriate as I feel it’s a good one to share here, also.

As always, I stress that these are my experiences and mine alone.  It is never my intention to take away from other’s more intense and difficult struggles.  I am just shedding light on what it looks like to have been unaware of the way my brain operates for most of my life, thus far.

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Defying ADHD Stigma: We Can Be Our Own Role Models

As a person who is unusually open about almost everything (probably to the point of being annoying to some) I’ve been back and forth about how much I share regarding all the things I’m learning about ADHD.  I was trying to articulate to myself why that is, and I came across the above article that does it nicely.

While I know people don’t have malicious intent when they respond in these ways, it’s patronizing and makes me question my already wavering self-awareness and the confidence I’m so desperately trying to attain.

I get the:

“have you tried…”

“are you sure you’re not just…”

“aren’t we all a little…”

etc.

These comments trivialize my own personal knowledge of what a struggle it is to have any type of mental issue.  Going through life undiagnosed and unaware of what it means to be of the ADD brain, let me tell you:  I have tried it all, I’m not just a little bit lazy and while a lot more people have ADHD than we realize, everyone does not have this type of brain.  Understanding it now, I am better able to contend with myself and work on the weaknesses it presents to me.  It’s not an excuse, but a reality.  It’s not easy, but I’m working on it. 

Having the awareness of what it means has been tremendously helpful in finding tactics that actually help with the weaknesses because most of the standard main “organize your life” suggestions simply do not work for me.  Understanding what it means for my brain is the piece of the puzzle I needed to stop internally degrading myself when I cannot understand why I can’t just figure it out like other people can.

Here are some abbreviated fun facts that are directly related to having undiagnosed ADHD without getting into the emotional side of things:

• I held 23 different jobs before the age of 26 and am banned from being employed at all HERRCO properties \\ impulse control, difficulty with organizational skills, difficulty focusing
  • • Most of the jobs ended abruptly and not appropriately
    • With such a colorful job history – I did excel at most jobs, until I didn’t.  Not knowing how to pace myself was a big part of this problem, as well.

• I was belittled by some teachers and invisible to others in high school – falling asleep in class and not participating \\ difficulty focusing (my mind is most active at night – and being uninterested in topics being lectured on makes for an inescapable nap), social anxiety (I cannot blame the teachers, as I was undiagnosed, but I was treated as a partier who didn’t give a fuck, but I didn’t even party until the very end of senior year – when I had given up)

• I literally LIVED online in Middle School \\ poor social skills
  • • this is a loaded topic, explanation for another post entirely

• I moved to Florida when I was 20 and moved in with a girl I met online \\ impulse control (turned out to be a good experience, luckily)
  • • this was also a result of a toxic relationship I was in which ultimately was a result of my incredibly low self-esteem and lack of self-worth.  That is also a topic for another post entirely, but is not unrelated to ADD.

• I have an alcohol abuse problem \\ impulse control, social anxiety, unknowingly self-medicating, escapism related to addiction

• My car is in a constant state of perpetual chaos – as is my laundry and let’s be real – my house a lot of the time (it’s “lived in”, thanks) \\ poor organizational skills and overwhelmed by tasks

• Cooking is the bane of my existence and more often than not, I don’t do it \\ poor organizational skills, overwhelmed by tasks, no interest in it

• I have gotten more speeding tickets than I can even remember \\ impulse control

• I completely destroyed my credit before I was 19, didn’t fix it until I was 26 and to this day struggle to maintain healthy financial habits (I’ve never had a savings account with money in it) \\ impulse control *also, this is part of my addictive personality*

• I have a lot of difficulty sleeping, and always have – it comes and goes – but I wouldn’t wish the inability to sleep at night on anyone \\ my hyperactive mind is the most active at night

• Every day I have at least 3-10+ reminders that pop up on my phone for very menial tasks \\ poor working memory

• Being late to things all the time, always.  I either have to be at least a half an hour early or I will be at least fifteen to thirty minutes late, sometimes worse. \\ poor time management skills, impulsivity, distractibility

This list could go on endlessly, but I have to stop somewhere.  These things have plagued me my entire life and I have been trying to “do life” right since the beginning.  These traits have persisted through lots of frustration and there was never a lack of being taught or trying to learn how to do any of it properly.  Just learning, at 32, that all of it is a result of the way my brain is wired, and not just because I’m crazy, lazy or stupid, comes with a whole host of emotional baggage.  There are also a lot of emotional aspects of ADHD that compound the difficulties of the task related issues.

When I speak about my experiences I am not seeking pity, I’m trying to bring awareness and understanding to people who do not have the same experience, in a non-judgemental way.  I also share in hopes to expose realities that others may relate to.  I have a tendency to over-share, so I’m trying to use that productively.

I hear and see kids, teenagers and adults get treated poorly because people don’t believe ADD is a real thing or they don’t understand how profoundly it can affect someone’s life (in this, our western colonized society) .  Paired with any other disability or mental illness, it can be completely debilitating for some.

As always, my most fervent piece of advice is SEEK THERAPY (if you can).  Speak to a professional if reading anything about this topic makes you wonder.  Even if you do not deal with ADD, learning the inner workings of your brain makes a world of difference when attempting to navigate this life

–roxii