It’s been a bit since I’ve shared anything I’ve written here on my little slice of internet. I suppose I’ve been living life a bit backwards these days, but then again who says what is forward or backward? Direction is a personal choice to determine, so I take that back. It would be more fitting to say I’ve been living life on my terms these days and feeling out what is comfortable for me.
Along the journey of this past year I’ve been exploring, really focusing my intentions on the concept of non-attachment. I would never call myself a Buddhist, but I do use Buddhist practices to maintain sobriety from alcohol and have found it to be a very useful way of navigating life through the plane my consciousness is aware of being on currently. Non-attachment is a seemingly simple concept, however really understanding what it means to me will forever be a learning experience and one that I am grateful for. The concept of non-attachment within Buddhism is said to reduce the suffering we experience in this life. My current thoughts on what it means to me are written below. This is how I feel about it now, who knows what it will mean tomorrow.
When you release attachment you aren’t minimizing connection, desire, or pain. No, it is releasing the control those emotions hold on your self-worth. It doesn’t mean you won’t feel excited and/or devastated simultaneously or stand alone. It means you can feel the heaviness but know in the depths of you that you are alive and worthy of yourself. Outwardly, feelings will wax and wane, but inwardly the self is always there patiently allowing the motions to pass by. The key is knowing when to pause, connect, and remain steadfast in your self. To have awareness that we are all alone is truth, yet it does not imply that we must suffer without feelings that bring us happiness or fall prey to dark places when sadness befalls us. Embracing that truth and fearing that truth are two different operating systems. In the end that’s the oldest tale of all, yin and yang, adam and eve, ego and self. We are conditioned to battle the dualities, breaking the pattern is to embrace both and observe where they take you in your mind before reacting to the surface emotions they bring us. To know love is to know what it feels like to be genuinely connected to the universal energy that envelops us if we allow it. To know despair is to know what it feels like to resist that connection and succumb to the loneliness disconnection fosters. Feelings can cause our external energy to ebb and flow. In this realm where seemingly the only certainty is perpetual change there is comfort in knowing that to be connected to self is to know that no matter the feeling in your physical body, your internal energy will always remain connected. If you allow it, it can bring you back from the suffering we get lost in when the changes feel insurmountable.
This life ignites a wildfire all around us, finding security within releases the grasp fear can have on your ability to immerse yourself in all its untamable movements. Releasing attachment allows you to embrace the destruction and beauty of it all, experiencing the raw magnificence of the lifetime you’re in until the embers turn to ash.
This life is wild, unpredictable a lot of the time, and amazing. I’m going to continue to let it happen as it unfolds and be present for the ride.
Happy New Year
-roxii ✌️🖤
roxii 
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